This place is cold and made up of sadness, it's become nostalgic for me though, it may be madness but I've been here so long it's the only thing I know, and I want the pain to remain because it's the only thing that makes me feel alive, so I strive to look for the next thing to cause me hurt, I'll look for love in all the wrong places, a pretty face in a skirt, I tried to find love, but only found love in the body instead of finding love in her personality and I've let all these past mistakes define me, I see through tear stained eyes and I've realized that this life I lead is worth nothing, God give me something, I'm offering up dead confessions in an attempt to loose the noose that leaves this marking bruise around my neck, the bruise became a reminder of how much of a failure I've become and all the times I tried oppressing the depression by coming back to this therapy session by slaughtering so many sheep to cover this, God please dismiss these negative emotions, I keep asking but I'm just going through the motions, I keep praying for forgiveness, but I'm unwilling to change, I keep praying for forgiveness, but continue to remain the same, dwelling on the shame I continue to blame my untamed emotions within me, causing paranoia and anxiety, the anxiety of questioning who I claim to be, Am I your son? Is following you my desire? Or do I follow the world? Am I just a liar? God I've never been one to share feelings and let them show, but I feel I need you to know, because I'm sinking and dying here and I'm all alone, it's so much easier to get out of this sinking sand, when someone out there is holding your hand, what I'm trying to say is I'm ready to change, I'm tired of feeling the pain and shame, I'm ready to let this burden go, I'm ready to see this love grow God change this season, thaw this heart that's dead and frozen, God change this season, you gave me purpose life and reason, God change this season, thaw this heart that's dead and frozen, God change this season, you're the love I still believe in I'll keep believing I'll keep believing without you I am nothing

When I was young I used to be happy, but this world got the best of me, through negativity I found myself in misery, And now I can't get past this anxiety, I'm sad mad and scared all the time, it helps create this depressed state of mind I call home, this home is a house that I locked the door to long ago to protect me, with nothing inside but this cold breeze to keep me company, Where did it all go wrong, the pure innocence and ignorance I once had is gone, but I was placed on a pedestal of perfection, so I created this mask, this mask of deception because I didn't want to disappoint, a way to hide my flaws and mistakes but also to hide the pain, the pain of pretending and living this life in vain, a fake me to get through life's routine, so people can see I'm okay, I'm still perfect in all my ways, even though I know I'm not, this mask was a reflection of the man I wanted to be, The man I knew they wanted to see, so I keep putting on this mask instead of being me, there's no room for error when it comes to being perfect, but I held that title for so long, but they were wrong, and I was just playing along, in hopes that they would never catch on, I'm a liar, I'm a hypocrite, and I'm sick of it, for all the times I pushed way past the lines and committed these awful and hideous crimes, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, pointing out everyone's flaws but looking past the mask on my face that hid my wrong, for so long I was trying to change everyone, when I was the one who needed to change, I've left scars that still remain because I was unable to maintain my composure, I'm looking for a way out I knew death could usher this closure, that thought bounced back and forth in my mind, I've grown tired of living this way, going through life not feeling a thing, I wanna attempt to change, but I'm afraid that if I take off this mask you won't like what you see, I've worn it for so long I forgot how to just be me God save me

Someone awake me, I think I'm still sleeping, God can you hear me? God are you listening? Cause I'm still waiting, waiting for an answer to why their hearts stopped beating I keep thinking there's something I could of done to change the outcome, and that's when the guilt settles in, guilt for not spending more time with you, and watch you take this journey and see it through, but this tragedy rewrote the end of your story, when there was so much more to tell, the church bell rang along, as the sirens sang there song when they took you away, I wish you would of stayed, but at least your memory is still with me, so whenever I dream you'll still be with me, so I continue to sleep and wish this was reality, because when I open my eyes the nightmare begins again, this city still weeps for you my friend, you meant so much to so many, my heart's become so heavy and beats profusely when thinking about how your gone, this pressure on my lungs make it hard to take in oxygen, but I'll keep trying to breath, God knows I've been trying to catch my breath, but Father Time runs so fast, and I've lost track of time praying for you to come back, waiting for you to come home, I keep wishing, I keep praying, but nothing seems to be changing, God show me your plan, cause I don't understand or see your hand in this, and I'm questioning your motives, give me some clarity, did I really express to you what you meant to me, when you were by my side, the worst part of it all is we never said goodbye, and it's killing me, but I realized I have forgotten the hope I have inside, the hope that gets me through this life, the same hope you held on to that night, the hope that one day we'll meet face to face, God forgive me for being so blind, so I'm not saying goodbye, this is not goodbye, for I know, in the end, we'll meet again

In order to cross this ocean you have to leave this shore, so what more are you waiting for go, and become love that you can share to anyone, fill yourself up and pour yourself into many bowls to feed the hungry, the ones starving for anything, people looking for one glimmer of hope, it could be me, it could be you, we could be the difference, even though we are just drops of rain, one drop can cause a ripple of change in these seas, and together we can make a splash and get carried away by this ocean breeze, as you can see it has to be more than just you and me to make a difference, but it starts with us, so don't stand still like these statues unable to move, dance for joy and keep that joy in every bounding leap you take, let each moment we make count so we don't waste time, shine on like a fire that never dies and keeps others warm that are close by, and this light from our flame will touch there faces revealing beauty they never knew they had, In these sad days we could be the difference for someone's bad days, with bad intentions, we are all looking for something, we are longing for the therapy that we all need to get through life's tragedies, Love, what we need is love, and for some they need assurance they are worth it, we may not deserve it but I'm here to tell you you're worth it, and I know this because the bible tells me so, and God proved it by sending his son, so we don't have to reap what we sow, and God knows we mess up, God knows I'm still messing up, but we can change and create a tidal wave of love so we can all drown in it together, those days would be much better, so if you're looking for change it starts right here, a rebellion against hate, corruption and death, if you're looking for change it starts right here, with you and me